


reinventing the wheel (to run myself over)

by lucifucker



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M, andy the charmer, author is stellar at tagging, joe being nervous because i assume he does that like any normal human, louis because louis is important to me, neighbors!au, pete being a lil shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 11:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2023989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifucker/pseuds/lucifucker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe doesn't know a lot about the cute-butt guy who lives in 3B.</p><p> </p><p>That is a bold-faced lie. Joe knows exactly too much about the cute-butt guy who lives in 3B.</p>
            </blockquote>





	reinventing the wheel (to run myself over)

Joe doesn't know a lot about the cute-butt guy who lives in 3B.

 

That is a bold-faced lie. Joe knows exactly too much about the cute-butt guy who lives in 3B.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B goes for a run at 6:45 every morning, which Joe knows, because Joe wakes up at 6:30 every morning to the grind of his extra special coffee machine making lifejuice. Joe was going to go out and ask him to either a) soundproof his apartment or b) get a new fucking coffee machine, but the one time that he actually crawled out of bed to go out the guy flashed him this really fucking genuine smile as he jogged past and then Joe couldn't stop staring at his (cute) butt until it was out of sight and down the stairs.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B subscribes to Vegan Heath And Fitness, which Joe knows because it has been accidentally delivered to Joe's apartment exactly fourteen times. Joe walks over at his leisure to give it back after the first time that he showed up literally as soon as the mail was delivered and collided with cute-butt guy on his way to Joe's to see if he'd ended up with it because this was the day it was supposed to come in, so now Joe goes over whenever Joe finds it convenient, which is generally about fifteen minutes after he gets his mail, but still.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B has a short, brown mohawk that he keeps slicked back, but his beard grows in ginger, which Joe knows because Joe is his fucking neighbor and you fucking notice that shit about people, if you're Joe. He also has more tattoos than Joe and Pete put together, and used to have a labrette piercing, which Joe only knows because cute-butt guy told him, not through any magical powers of observation.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B doesn't have pets because he actually respects their landlords rules on animals, which Joe knows because the cute-butt guy came over to drop off Joe's copy of Rolling Stone one day and saw Louis and got irrationally (there is no such thing as being irrational about French Bulldogs) excited and immediately started playing with him. Joe asked if he had any pets because Joe is an idiot and lives in an apartment building where that is not allowed and does it anyway and assumed that this was a trait shared by everyone in his apartment building, which it is not. The cute-butt guy laughed, though, so Joe figures it's okay.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B is vegan, which Joe knows because he subscribes to fucking Vegan Health And Fitness.

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B has a best friend named Matt, which Joe knows because cute-butt guy and best friend named Matt happened to be passing by Joe's door as he was stepping out with a suspiciously Louis-shaped bundle under his arm that wouldn't stop fucking squirming god damn it why didn't he do puppy school. Cute-butt guy stopped, and introduced Joe to best friend named Matt, and Joe tried to shake his hand with the arm already holding Louis and accidentally dropped him. Thankfully cute-butt guy also has amazing reflexes because cute-butt guy immediately scooped the Louis-shaped bundle up and held it to his chest like a baby, which is _exactly_ the manner in which Joe wants his dog held (Pete might take notes).

 

The cute-butt guy who lives in 3B has a date tonight, which Joe knows because Joe is said date. Cute-butt guy came over when Joe was cleaning and said he knew Joe was home because he could hear Morrissey playing through the two sets of walls and the hallway, and when Joe started frantically apologizing, explained that he loves Morrissey, which made him and his butt significantly cuter. Cute-butt guy had followed that up by asking Joe to go out to dinner with him, to which Joe responded by opening and closing his mouth like a fucking guppie for seven seconds and then nodding dumbly at.

 

Which leads Joe to where he is now, which is standing in front of the mirror with Pete sitting on his bed, switching between two almost identical black t-shirts while Pete makes fun of him.

 

“No, the other one. The other one was better.” Joe whirls around, already tugging at the hem of the one he's got on.

 

“Really?”

 

“No.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Pete cackles like the asshole he is and kicks off his shoes before putting his feet on Joe's bed because he's not actually an asshole he just acts like one.

 

“Dude. Seriously. You look fine.” Joe rolls his eyes, and pulls the shirt off again, reaching for the other one.

 

“This coming from a man who wore a pair of Uggs and one of my tank tops to his first date with his boyfriend.” Joe gripes, and then glowers at Pete. “Which I still have not gotten back, by the way.”

 

Pete waves a hand noncommittally, and shrugs.

 

“You'll get it back before you die. And, for the record, Gabe thought my footwear choices were charming.”

 

“No, he didn't.”

 

“Yeah, he did.”

 

“No, he didn't, he told me.” Pete jerks his head up, outraged, and immediately starts innefectually trying to dig his sidekick out of his jeans.

 

“My relationship is built on lies.” He cries, and Joe rolls his eyes, looks in the mirror again, and tugs the shirt back off. Pete groans.

 

“Joe. Bro. _Seriously._ You could wear a paper bag to this date and he would still wanna get in your pants.” Joe looks at him skeptically, and Pete raises an eyebrow. “When he asked you out you, and I quote, 'freaked out a little bit and didn't actually verbally answer'.” He caws his success when he gets the giant fucking phone out of his pocket and flips it open. “This guy's gotta be either crazy or crazy about you.”

 

Joe rolls his eyes, and considers the shirts for a minute before pulling open the top drawer on his dresser and pulling out his care bear stare shirt, tugging it on, and turning his back on the mirror. Pete's looking intently at his phone, and Joe huffs and starts the search for his only pair of clean shoes.

 

“What's a really good word for heart-wrenching betrayal?” Pete asks, and Joe blinks where he's halfway under the bed.

 

“Uh. Heart wrenching betrayal?” Pete scoffs, and rolls over so that Joe doesn't feel like he's about to crush his head with his not-so-massive body weight.

“An _original_ word.” He insists and Joe shakes his head.

 

“I'm not helping you instigate drama with your, quote-unquote, 'soul mate'.” He grumbles, actually grumbles, and seriously, only Pete could get a guy to actually grumble.

 

“Hey!” Joe winces when Pete whacks the back of his head. “Don't you quote-unquote my relationship, dickwad.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Fuckass.”

 

“Freak.”  
  
“Jew.”  
  
“That's antisemitic.” Pete hits him again, and Joe rears back, triumphantly holding aloft his last acceptable pair of boots. “Got em'.” Pete blinks at him for a minute, and shakes his head.

 

“And you criticize _my_ shoe choices.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

The doorbell rings, and Joe leaps into the air at the same time Pete yelps in surprise.

 

“Wait—fuck, no, is it seven already?” Pete fumbles around with his phone and holds it up: 6.59. Damn it. He's even fucking punctual.

 

“Man, this dude is on fucking time.” Joe's already shoving his feet into his shoes, completely ignoring the fact that he is fully lacking in socks, and half-running, half-hopping toward the door.

 

“Coming!” He shouts, and then immediately regrets how loud he was because Louis whines softly in the corner. Joe drops down next to him and scratches behind his ears in some semblance of an apology and then hops out his bedroom door, with Pete lazily shuffling behind him.

 

He gets to the door just as his left shoe finally actually falls into place, and pulls it open to find cute-butt guy standing on the other side, clean-shaven, wearing a pair of really well-fitting jeans and a green bay packers jersey, and holding a literal fucking flower.

 

“Hi.” Joe almost-pants, and the guy grins.

 

“Hi.” Joe sometimes forgets how soft cute-butt guy's voice is, because it's really, really quiet and sweet and not at all what you'd expect from a hulking tattooed man who used to have a labrette, but hey, what does Joe know. Cute-butt guy holds out the flower, and Joe takes it, and grins back.

 

“Thanks.” Cute butt guy shrugs, and ducks his head.

 

“I didn't know if you were the flower type but I took a leap of faith.” Joe laughs, just as Pete shuffles up behind him, still intent on his phone and his psuedo-argument with Gabe, and Joe jolts and then remembers that you're supposed to introduce people who don't know each other to one another.

 

“Uh, this is Pete, my roommate, Pete, this is--”

 

“ _Hurley?_ ” Pete all but shouts, and Louis makes a disapproving sound, which Joe almost mimics. Pete's staring disbelievingly at cute-butt guy like he's George fucking Washington, and cute-butt guy is laughing again.

 

“Hey, Pete.” He all but giggles, and Pete glowers at Joe.

 

“You didn't tel me your date was with Andy fucking Hurley, asshole.” Joe shrugs.

 

“I said it was cute-butt guy from 3B, I figured if you knew who lived in 3B you'd but the pieces together, dumbass.”

 

“Cute-butt guy?” Andy asks, and Pete waves him off.

 

“We'll talk about your cute butt when I'm done grilling this idiot.” He says, and Joe and Andy simultaneously roll their eyes. “You did not say that cute-butt guy lived in 3B, you just said he was a guy with a cute butt, which I now have my doubts about because I have seen this butt and it is not impressive.” Andy scoffs, and Joe elbows Pete in the ribs.

 

“Shut up, Wentz. Go back to your sexy spanish lover.”

 

Pete glares at Joe, and then at Andy, and starts shuffling backward into the apartment, still holding his phone.

 

“Back by ten.” He growls at Joe, and Joe narrows his eyes at him.

 

“Back whenever I want because I'm an adult.”

 

Pete shakes his head as he retreats into his room and sticks his head out one more time to stage whisper “ _Ten._ ” at them before he disappears into whatever deep dark pit it is that Petes come from. Joe turns back to Andy and shrugs.

 

“So I guess you know Pete.” He says, and Andy nods.

 

“Yeah, since we were kids. Well, teens. But no-one wants to say 'teens' in a sentence.” Joe laughs, again, and it feels awesome. “You ready to go?”

 

Joe nods, and grabs what he hopes is his jacket off the hook by the door (the last time he wore one of Pete's he smelled like axe and emo for a week), following Andy out into the hall.

 

“So, getting back to my cute butt.” Andy starts, as he steps in front of Joe down the stairs, and Joe whistles, loudly.

 

“I could write whole loves songs about that butt, man.” Andy's laugh fills the otherwise empty stairwell, and Joe realizes he's not really nervous, anymore.

 

Huh. When the fuck did that happen.


End file.
